Raising Confident Kids
In order to thrive and feel their best, kids need to feel good about their own abilities. For kids, there is a balance needed of knowing that they are competent and capable of success, but also can and will bounce back from failure. Healthy self-confidence comes from both mastering skills/ feeling good about accomplishments, and being able to handle it if things don’t go well.
Here are some ways you can encourage your kids to be more confident in themselves.
Model confidence as their parents. Easier said than done, right? But still, a big deal. Seeing you take on new activities, skills, and tasks with a positive outlook, necessary prep work, and a plan if it does not go well can help your kids pick up the same habits.
Show your love. If your child knows that you think highly of them and love them no matter what, they will feel more comfortable trying new things. Make sure they know that you think THEY are great, and not just when they do great things. Place the value in their effort, in THEM, and not just the results of whatever it is they are trying.
Reward persistence. It’s not all about succeeding at everything. Having high self-esteem does not just come from being naturally good at things. Confidence is also about being resilient enough to keep trying, even if it is difficult and they are not the best at something, without getting overly distressed or giving up.
Don’t sweat the small stuff. Help your kids learn that making mistakes is a part of life. The important thing is to learn from them and to move on from them. Bad feelings come sometimes, but they do pass, and dwelling on mistakes can make the passing of them more difficult.
Encourage trying new things. Learning new skills can make kids feel more capable and confident. You might find your child gets very proud of themselves when they learn how to do something new. This might be because trying new things is more difficult for them, and it is a rewarding feeling.
Set goals. Writing down or discussing goals, both big and small, gives kids a strong sense of purpose. They also feel motivated when they achieve them. Ask your kids what they would like to accomplish and help them make a list of actionable goals. Not only will you be encouraging and validating their interests by listening to what they want to achieve, but you will be helping them learn the skills they will need someday when they want to attain goals throughout their adult life.
Celebrate effort. Place more value and praise in the effort they put in and not just the outcome. It is normal to be proud of your kid when they do well at something, but try to even it out when you see them try hard even if they did not succeed. It can take time, patience, and hard work to get good at something.
Let them fail. This one is undoubtedly not easy. There is a resounding word of agreement that it can be really hard for parents to watch their kids struggle with something. It’s natural to want to protect, to want to help. However, trial and error is a natural process for kids. Falling short at something can be upsetting, but it is also important for kids to know that it does not need to be the end, and they can keep trying. This will serve them when they are older, and they will also learn that they can try again with greater effort.
Explore passions. If your kid has a lot of different interests, talents, or hobbies, encourage them to explore them all. If your kid just has some, try to find activities that hone in on it or explore them in different ways. An example of this would be nature: scouts, hikes, science clubs, trips, camps. This can help them develop their sense of identity and boost their self esteem as their talents grow.
Expect them to help out. When you count on your kid to do age-appropriate jobs, they feel like a valued member of the family. It might not seem that way, and they might complain a little (a lot). But kids do feel better about themselves when they know you think they are responsible. The message you are sending them is that you need them and you rely on them, which is really good for building confidence.
If your child is struggling deeply with confidence levels, then there might be more work needed beyond these tips. Amel Counseling and Consulting has kid and teen therapists who are ready and willing to help your kid become a much more confident version of themselves. Reach out now for a free, 15 minute phone consultation and see how we can help!
