Amel Counseling Blog
Neurodiversity in Children and Teens
Neurodiversity is a word that basically describes the ways a variety of people think.
It is used to destigmatize the different ways people’s brains work, the idea being that there is no “normal” or “correct” way. There are, instead, many ways that people learn, think, and retain information.
This is especially important when discussing children and teens, because this affects the way that schools determine their approach to neurodiversity.
Teachers and school staff could either teach only in one style, or they could be informed about the different ways both neurotypical and neurodivergent children process information and understand that they may require more support.
The idea of neurodiversity is not only to be informed about it, but also to encourage and embrace the differences between people and the way their brains work.
Neurodiversity also emphasizes the strengths that kids and teens have because of the way that their minds work. A major goal is for people to make life more accessible to those who see the world differently, instead of assuming everybody sees things from the same perspective.
So, what populations are considered neurodivergent?
People with diagnoses such as Autism, Learning Disorders, and ADHD are among those considered to be neurodivergent.
They learn differently, they express themselves differently, they have different talents, and they thrive in different environments.
Knowing this, it would be beneficial for them to receive information in ways that use and play on their strengths.
With all of this being said, learning about neurodiversity is important because more and more children and adolescents are identifying as neurodivergent. It is becoming increasingly common, especially with the internet and forums where a lot of information exists about these diagnoses.
Regardless of a formal diagnosis, kids and teens who recognize that they think differently than the majority of their peers may find a sense of community with the neurodivergent population.
It can also help them form a sense of identity and autonomy when they find their space and place in the world, and feel less alone to learn that others think the same way as them.
What can you do as a parent of a kid or teen who either has a formal diagnosis that is considered neurodivergent, or of a kid or teen who self-identifies as neurodivergent?
You can empathize with the struggles or difficulties they may be having in school if there are little to no accommodations for the neurodiverse.
You can consider having them formally evaluated and diagnosed, especially if it would help their case in school and help their teachers see their perspective better.
You can support their feelings and sense of community and identity.
You can learn about neurodivergence, particularly in the way that your child presents or manifests it, and choose to focus on their strengths rather than seeing it as a weakness or less than. It is not a deficit simply because it is different.
You can also consider seeking additional support, such as a child or teen therapist, who can help them manage their big emotions that may come with the frustrations of living in a world that is not as accessible to them as to others.
If your child or teen is neurodivergent, it’s also possible that they have some symptoms that can cause stress, such as anxiety, overstimulation, meltdowns, anger, and more.
If you would like additional support, reach out to a therapist at Amel Counseling & Consulting today and schedule a free, 15-minute phone consultation. We want to help your kid/ teen thrive.
How to Support and Talk to Your Child in Scary Times
The news has been utterly frightening this week. As parents, you may be inclined to shield your children from the details of the school shooting. You may be worried this will be anxiety inducing and make your child afraid to go to school. The reality is, your child will hear the story somewhere, whether through peers, online, on the TV, or on the radio. It’s unrealistic and near-impossible to keep something like this from them. It’s also exponentially better for your child to hear about something like this from you directly, as opposed to outside sources, as this promotes communication and conversation in your family. Although these conversations are difficult to have, it’s important.
So, how do you even go about discussing something so horrific with little ones? Are you worried you’ll do more harm than good? Here are some tips to help you work through this process.
Give yourself the space and grace
to process your own feelings of distress, sadness, anger, and grief. You’re a human first before a parent. How are you feeling? Make sure you check in with yourself and seek the proper support if you need it. You don’t need to be perfect and strong; you’re allowed to be vulnerable and have your own complicated feelings.
Break the news to them early.
As mentioned before, delaying the conversation may not be the best call, since they will likely get the story from somewhere else. You do want to be the one to lay the facts out and set the emotional tone for them. They look to you for safety, comfort, and honesty.
Be developmentally appropriate.
It may not be the best idea to go into too many details with your young ones, as this can be overwhelming and upsetting. Volunteer as much and as little information as you feel gets the point across, and allow them to ask some questions. Allow them to volunteer any information they may know or feelings they may have. Do your best to be honest, clear, and concise; however, if you don’t have all the answers, that’s okay. You’re having the conversation and that’s what really matters. Expect that your child may want to come back to the subject a few times.
Model calmness.
It’s okay to tell your child how you’re feeling and use as many feelings words as you need to. Explain that your feelings may be complicated, and it’s normal to feel more than one thing at once. Just remain calm while telling the story and expressing your feelings. Most kids absorb the tone and emotions you are modeling, and might lose the important details along the way. If you remain calm, they will get the point of the situation and then be able to feel their own feelings.
Reassure them.
Talking about tragedies is impossibly difficult. What’s important to know about kids is that they are egocentric. They are likely to hear about an act of violence and immediately worry that something like this could happen to them. It’s really important to reassure them and make sure they feel safe; tell them that the situation is being handled and investigated by people who are working hard to do so, measures are being taken to insure safety, and that (hopefully) we as a whole are learning from it.
Help them express their feelings.
Some kids like to express themselves through writing, art, dance, movement, conversation, singing, and more. Whatever your child typically uses to let their feelings out, ask if they want to do that now with you. Do it together or as a family. Encouraging your child to express their feelings rather than bottle them up is important in situations like acts of violence because it helps them learn that their feelings are valid and gives them an outlet for them. They will learn to do this in other situations.
Be available.
As stated before, your child will likely have more questions in the coming days, weeks, months, etc. Your child may also be emotional and upset. Spend time with them to make them feel better and sit with them in their emotions. Although it may feel uncomfortable, some kids take comfort in doing “normal” things while trying to heal from being anxious or frightened, and that’s okay.
Create a memorial.
Some children feel a lot better when they can create something nice for the lives who were lost. Talk about what they may want to do. Maybe they want to plant a tree or flowers in their memory; maybe they want to make something like pottery or artwork. Maybe they want to make cards or something else. Children are sweet and thoughtful and may feel they want to do something special.
If you feel like your child could benefit from more support outside of the home, reach out to Amel Counseling & Consulting and set up a free, 15-minute phone consultation with a child therapist. We have therapists that are ready and willing to provide parent coaching sessions, individual sessions with children, or family sessions.
De-escalation Strategies for Meltdowns
We have parents coming to us all the time at their absolute wit’s end saying that their child has meltdowns. They usually say things like,
“it comes out of nowhere, nothing helps, and my kid can never tell me why it happened later.”
For some children this can be an indicator of something bigger going on, like anxiety, depression, over-stimulation, stress, ADHD, or ASD. But for some kids, the reason they have meltdowns or outbursts is really hard to pin down, and it may take longer to get to the “why.”
So, if this is you, you may be wondering what you can do about it now!
This can be really frustrating, concerning, and stressful for parents!
The good news is, you are not alone. Many kids go through phases where they have explosive outbursts that seem to be untriggered, and end just as quickly as they begin.
Here are some different things that you could try to do to manage your child’s meltdowns and temper tantrums in your house
Don’t yell to be heard.
If your child is screaming, don’t try to scream over them, it only escalates the situation.
Don’t try to reason (right away).
Although it’s tempting, you will honestly get nowhere with a child who is mid-temper tantrum, so discuss it when they are calm.
Avoid the word “no” when they are amidst a meltdown.
Use calming visual input, such as something relaxing on the television.
Use a distraction.
Sometimes we tell parents to do something funny, other times we tell parents to create a joy zone in their home with toys and games so that their kid can go there when they feel like they are getting upset.
Silence.
Now is not the time for a life lesson, trust me! Just stay calm and try not to do too much talking when they are having a meltdown.
Validate their feelings but not their actions.
You don’t need to be okay with your child screaming and throwing things to recognize that it’s okay for them to be stressed out or anxious. It’s a good opportunity to model communication about feelings.
Get down to their level.
It might help if you sit on the floor with them and just be there.
Don’t be too emotional; remain very calm and level.
Easier said than done, but presenting as frustrated will only make your child feel worse.
Remain non-judgmental.
Your child needs to know that you are there for him, even if you don’t condone the way they reacted to their big feelings.
Be aware of your body language.
You may be inclined to bring them into a safer room with less breakable items or sharp edges (which is fine) but remember to be mindful of coming off threatening.
Respect their space.
Once again, it’s okay to gently guide them into a safer room if the room they are in is not super-ideal, but be respectful of their personal space.
Practice deep breathing and other coping skills.
Taking deep breaths can instantly make your kid feel better. Some other examples of coping skills are drinking water, closing their eyes, taking a walk, and hugging a stuffed animal. We also love stress balls!
Avoid making demands when they’re in the middle of a temper tantrum.
Reflective listening.
Listening intently and reflecting on what your child has to say, without thinking about what you are going to say next or being distracted, is so important. Children can really reveal some surprising, insightful, and helpful information if you truly take the time to listen to them.
If your child has been struggling with meltdowns, outbursts, and temper tantrums, and you are starting to feel the stress weighing on you, you are definitely not alone.
While all of these tips can be super helpful, temper tantrums in childhood can also be a sign of a deeper underlying issue, such as learning disabilities, anxiety, depression, a disrupted sleeping schedule, autism, ADHD, and more.
It may be a good idea to seek help from a mental health professional for the proper assessment, support, advice, and treatment plan.
Reach out to Amel Counseling & Consulting today and schedule a free, 15-minute phone consultation with one of our child therapists!
Talking to Your Kids About Their Mental Health
Pretty much all parents have thought from time to time that they would prefer to shield their children from all of the upsetting, concerning, unpleasant feelings they may encounter throughout their lives. Some kids and teens sometimes have big feelings and worries! And some feel their feelings very deeply, and may struggle at times.
Unfortunately, it’s impossible to shelter kids and teens from some of the more complex situations and emotions that life may bring.
However, what parents can do is figure out the best way to communicate with their kids about their mental health, and make sure that their kids know that they are there for them, especially if they seem to be going through something.
It may take kids and teens some time to open up about whatever it is that could be bothering them, and they may be wary about how to express what it is they are thinking or feeling.
Here are some comprehensive tips to get the conversation started.
Let them know if you notice that they seem off.
You could start by saying something simple such as, “I notice you seem really down lately.” This could spark a conversation about what is going on with them internally, so that they know they don’t need to hide it.
Validate their feelings.
The different ways that kids and teens think are sometimes surprising to parents. They may think that they are supposed to suppress their unpleasant feelings, so it could be important to let them know that you would rather them talk about it with you when they are ready. You could simply say, “It seems like you have had a hard week. It’s okay to be down sometimes.”
Let them know that you are here for them.
Telling them that you care, are there to listen, and would love to come up with a solution can go a long way. Your child may need to know that they won’t get in trouble if they are not okay. You could say something like, “I’m here for you if you need me. I love you.”
If they’re not ready, be patient.
Sometimes it takes some kids more time than others to open up about their feelings. This could be because they are unsure of what they’re feeling, or unsure of how to talk about what they feel. Try being extra patient about it in order to encourage a healthy mindset when it comes to mental health. You may be anxious to help, but being pushy may make them clam up. You could try having a conversation using different “feelings words,” describe how they feel or provide examples of when they may come up, and then just let them know that you’re here when they are ready.
Continue to check in so that you’re there when they are ready.
It’s normal to be worried if you tried to chat with them and they were not ready to discuss. Without being pushy, persistence is important as well. Checking in a few times to remind them that you notice, you care, and you’re here can really help move communication along. If it’s taking them a long time to get back to you, you might try gently saying something like, “Let’s make a plan to check in with each other when you have time.”
Make a habit of communicating and expressing feelings in your household.
You have identified that your child may struggle more with their feelings than other kids and teens might. It’s normal for them to have big feelings! They are certainly not alone. After you have opened up the door for emotional expression and processing, make it a habit to talk about their feelings more so they know they can go to you if something is troubling them.
If you think that your child may need extra support when it comes to their mental health, Amel Counseling & Consulting has child and teen therapists who are ready and able to help. Call today to schedule a free, 15-minute consultation call.
Making Goodbyes Easier With Anxious Kids
It’s normal for younger children to have a difficult time separating from their parents, especially now since we’ve spent years staying home more than ever before.
If your child seems clingier than before, you’re certainly not alone. However, there are some ways to help kids cope with their anxiety when it comes to saying goodbye.
Give them a little bit of notice.
For kids who tend to be more anxious, a chance to ask you some questions and some time to process your leaving will go a long way.
Providing some advanced notice allows them the time to settle into their feelings and begin to calm down.
Give them some detail.
Before the separation, allow them to ask their questions about it and answer them.
Let them know where you are going, what they will be doing while you are gone, and when you (or they) will be back.
This gives them the message that they can trust you and will likely reduce their feelings of anxiety as well.
Make a routine.
Kids who tend to be more anxious feel much better about things that are hard for them if they have routines and rituals, that way they can know what to expect at least a little bit.
If you know that you will be separating, maybe you create a ritual where you read a book or spend a little time doing something that relaxes them before you go.
Build up to it.
Try to start with shorter goodbyes, and then build up to longer ones.
If your child struggles with separation, I would not jump right into being gone all night.
Perhaps having a babysitter or grandparent stay with the child while you take a small trip to the market would be a good way to start, and then slowly work toward a longer one such as a date night.
Seek help if it does not seem to be getting better.
Kids who have anxiety about separating from their parents to the point where it is hindering their everyday life may need some extra help and support outside of what you can do alone.
Having serious trouble with goodbyes and clinging onto parents can be a sign of separation anxiety disorder, and it could be important to seek help from a child therapist.
If your child has intense feelings that seem to be too big for your family to manage yourselves, a mental health professional may be able to provide support and make this process easier for you and for them.
One of the major ways mental health professionals see separation anxiety interfere with kids’ daily lives would be in school. It could also be important to involve their teachers and have some meetings with them to see their input as well.
If you feel you need to reach out for support from a child therapist, Amel Counseling & Consulting is here to help in whatever way we can.
What Parents Can Do When Their Kids Clash With Teachers
As we know all too well by now, not everyone gets along with everyone they meet in life. People have different personalities, communication styles, and perceive the world differently. Kids are not immune to this, and will sometimes clash with some people more than others.
But, what if they clash with their teacher? It’s certainly possible for this to occur; they are being told what to do all day by someone who they may or may not fully understand or get along with, they experience a lack of control and autonomy, and… frankly, kids get tired and cranky.
So, your kid is raising concerns about how their teacher doesn’t like them, they don’t like their teacher, or both. What can you do about it? How can you use this situation as a teaching moment to help them build problem-solving skills to manage their feelings toward this situation?
Don’t minimize or brush it off.
Instead, take it seriously and use intentional listening. Even if it sounds like your kid may be exaggerating, don’t make them feel like they’re being dramatic. Your child will appreciate feeling heard and understood, especially if the teacher they are clashing with makes them feel the opposite.
Ask questions.
Talk about how it made them feel. Try asking open-ended questions in order to get to the bottom of what they perceive is going on. This may help you pinpoint the problem and be helpful toward finding a solution for it. Kids sometimes struggle with questions about why something happened (and the dreaded, endless “I don’t know” stream begins), but you may get farther if you have them tell you the story from the beginning.
Create a plan with them.
Try to guide them to think of some ways that they can try to make the situation better. It’s possible that your kid is being misunderstood by the teacher, and is having a hard time communicating why or how. Coming up with the (polite) proper language and responses may be helpful for them. An example of this could be explaining their behavior that may be getting them in trouble, such as doodling in class. You could tell them to express to the teacher that it actually helps them concentrate, but they understand why their teacher may think otherwise.
Open up a line of communication with the teacher as well.
Kids do love to conveniently leave things out sometimes, and it could be beneficial to hear the teacher’s side. This is especially important if your kid is displaying some sort of behavioral issues in school, as this could be a sign of some sort of mental health struggle they could be dealing with. It could also be important to discuss with the teacher the ways in which you are willing to help with the ongoing issues, and to try to come up with solutions together to benefit your child. Make sure they know you are all on the same team, and you are happy to try some things at home if it could help matters, while also gently communicating how your child is perceiving the situation as well.
If you find that your child is exhibiting some behavioral issues at school, as mentioned before, this may be a sign of something deeper.
An underlying mental health struggle may be the root cause of something like this, especially if they are acting out in ways they never have before. Irritability and frustration are one of the many signs of anxiety and depression in children.
Behavioral problems are also common in children who are experiencing shame due to struggling with a learning disability or ADHD.
It could be beneficial to your child and family to look into this further, if it is more than just clashing with a teacher. As always, if you do feel like your child is struggling with their mental health, Amel Counseling & Consulting has a team of therapists who are prepared to find ways to support you and your child. Reach out for a free, 15 minute phone consultation today!
Managing Your Child’s School Burnout
Here we are. Spring has started, the holidays are mostly over, and it’s warming up outside.
Our kids and teens have been in school for about 7 months, and we’ve got the end in sight. Hooray! However…. We do still have almost 2 months left. So while it’s exciting to reach this part of the year, and see the light at the end of the tunnel, now is the time when kids start to really experience burnout.
You find yourself reminding your kids to “finish strong” or not to give up just yet, because they’ve come so far!
But you also see your kid getting really tired, and ready for the year to be over. Your kid is experiencing burnout and you’re not sure how to help.
Here are some signs of burnout in kids and teens:
Fatigue
Difficulty falling asleep at night
Falling asleep in class
Generally seeming tired throughout the day
Loss of appetite
Loss of interest in foods they used to like
Pushing around their dinner rather than eating it
Their lunch comes home untouched
Irritability
Tantrums or meltdowns that are unexplained
Unwarranted anger
Having more of an attitude
Trying to leave or stay home from school
Frequent flier at the nurse
Complaints of stomach aches, headaches, etc
Attempting school avoidance
Depression
Socially withdrawn
Lack of interest in things they usually enjoy, dragging
Kind of have an “Eeyore-like” attitude towards everything (the Winnie the Pooh character)
Combative behaviors
Tantrums
Refusing to do chores
Refusing to do work in school
Avoiding homework
Outright refusing to do it, and conversations about it become “charged”
Writing down random answers without effort
Pretending they don’t have homework
If your child is exhibiting some or all of these behaviors, they could be dealing with school burnout, or stress related to being in school for so long when nearing the end of the year.
It also should go without saying that the past couple of years have been more difficult school years for kids, since there has not been as much consistency in school due to Covid restrictions and unprecedented disruptions in their routines.
So, if your child is experiencing school-related burnout, what can you do?
Model open communication.
Telling your child that you see their struggle and completely understand it will go a long way.
Tell them that you see the effort they have put in and that you know this year has been difficult.
Check their diet.
Are they eating healthy?
All things in moderation, don’t restrict them, but make sure they aren’t overloading their sugar intake. This can make burnout feel heavier.
Be mindful of their schedule.
Are they overloaded with activities?
Are their weeks and weekends overscheduled?
Sometimes we put our kids in extracurriculars with all the best intentions, but it may be too much.
Limit your expectations.
It’s like when you have had a long, long day. How does that last hour or two feel? Like a huge drag.
This is how they may be feeling but for weeks straight.
Try to be patient with them and problem solve some ways to make it better.
Encourage them to ask for help.
Maybe the stress, anxiety, depression etc. is too much for them to handle.
It could be a good time to talk to their teachers about it, and even reach out for further support with a child or teen therapist who can help them manage their emotions.
As always, if you do determine that it would be the best next step for you to reach out to a child or teen counselor to help your child identify, manage, and regulate some of their bigger feelings, call today to schedule a free, 15-minute phone consultation with Amel Counseling & Consulting.
The Reasons Parents Begin Parenting Therapy
Kids don’t come with an instruction manual. Every child and teen has their own unique personalities, their own mental health struggles, and their own needs.
Although advice from friends and family can sometimes be helpful, it can be hard to turn to them without worrying about judgment or their possible lack of discretion.
Parenting books can be enlightening and helpful, but they certainly cannot prepare parents for every obstacle that may come about when raising children. They also cannot predict the results of your many efforts of trial and error, forcing you to turn to different books for advice, which can become just downright dizzying.
Some behaviors that your kid or teen may be displaying, whether it is concerning, challenging, or confusing may be adding tension to your family dynamic.
It’s possible that parenting coaching may be the best next step.
Here are a few of the reasons a parent may be interested in parent coaching therapy:
You want to break generational cycles, but realize this is harder than it sounds.
Maybe you had parents who struggled in their own ways, and they instilled habits or behaviors in you that you wish to not pass on to your kids.
You are a human first, with your own history and mental health struggles.
Expecting yourself to be perfect is not sustainable; there is no perfect parent.
Your child or teen is displaying behavior that you find concerning, and may be out of your area of familiarity.
Perhaps your child is showing symptoms of depression, self-harm, or another mental health struggle that you feel you need help managing.
As a parent, it is normal to want to shield your child from all potential problems they may encounter, but this is not possible.
Maybe you want to receive your own therapy because you feel that your child deserves their sessions to be their time, but you’re rightfully concerned.
Your child or teen is displaying behavior you find difficult to manage, defiant, and it’s causing conflict in the family.
Kids and teens do commonly go through rough patches where their behavior may be more challenging to endure.
Just because it’s common does not make it any less stressful, and your patience may be wearing thin.
You are human, you are allowed to be stressed out, and you are allowed to reach out for support when dealing with behavioral problems with your child.
Your family or child has experienced trauma, grief/loss, or another challenging experience and you want the extra support.
When a child experiences trauma, it can (knowingly or unknowingly) remind you of something you, yourself have been through in your past.
Traumatic experiences and grief can make parenting so difficult, because you often forget to take care of your own feelings when you are so worried about your kids’ feelings.
It may be helpful to be provided specific tools to cope with your own feelings following trauma or loss.
You’re dealing with something else specific that you feel requires tools to make changes, but have found no perfect, cookie-cutter advice for in your research.
Small, sustainable changes can make big impacts.
Every family dynamic is different, set up with many different personalities and a lot of different relationships within the family system.
It could be helpful to have a professional by your side every step of the way while you implement such changes, to help you make new changes when necessary or to see what is most helpful for your family system.
If any of these points resonate with you, and you feel that it may be helpful for you and your family to receive parenting therapy, Amel Counseling & Consulting has a team of therapists that can help you. We provide parent coaching for parents who fit any of these descriptions, and more! We will help you set goals, make a plan for implementing the changes, and provide tools to cope that will assist you in your parenting journey. We also provide a warm, compassionate, and judgement-free space for you.
Reach out today for a free, 15-minute phone consultation and ask for either virtual or in-person parent coaching sessions with Amel Counseling & Consulting.
How Color Therapy for Kids can Help Build Self Esteem
There are a lot of ways that certain colors can inspire emotions in kids. Maybe you have a child who prefers or gravitates toward certain colors, and they make them feel good. If they are allowed autonomy or given the opportunity to decorate with and play with the colors they love, they could become more confident.
Or, maybe you have a kid who associates certain colors with certain feelings, and seeing the color makes them feel different things. If this is the case, it may be a good idea to utilize colors that make them feel good or raise their mood.
When child therapists work with children, we find that the unique ways kids think of colors, or rather the way colors inspire their thinking, can be super interesting and impressive. This can be used as an amazing way to promote expression, communication, and self-reflection–all things that build self esteem!
So, what exactly are some areas that parents can encourage confidence through the concept of color therapy at home?
Clothes shopping:
If you are going shopping for your child, bring them along and let them pick out clothes in colors they like to wear.
Let them try on clothes that are their favorite colors; let them decide what colors they think matches.
Encourage buying an array of colors, in case they want to have more options.
Allow them to decide what certain color clothes may mean; some kids like to dress according to their mood.
Coloring books/apps, paint, clay:
Encourage them to get creative with all different colors.
Art is a good way to explore emotions and also occupy their mind.
Allow them to create art that expresses certain moods by buying art supplies in various colors.
You may find that while kids work on their art, they start opening up and talking about things that surprise you; child therapists see this all the time!
Decorating their bedroom:
Allow your child the independence to choose the color palette of their bedroom.
Painting their walls colors that either promote a positive mindset/mood, or their favorite color, is a fun activity to do together and may make your child feel really good!
You want their bedroom to be their safe space; let them pick out their fluffy, cozy, pink and purple stuff.
Encouraging creativity and autonomy in the form of decorating is a form of artistic expression of emotion.
Mixing paint colors:
Let your young kid mix their own paints around and learn first hand how to make colors.
Let them decide what feeling may stand for each color, or which colors they love most and make them feel the best.
Mixing paints is also a very soothing activity and may calm them in and of itself.
Toys in a variety of colors:
Colorful toys are a great way to keep young kids engaged.
Some toys have feelings associated with colors already (i.e. “Inside Out” toys or books).
Colorful and bright toys can improve kids’ moods and invoke positive feelings.
If you want to help your child develop self-esteem, a really good way to do that is through encouraging them to associate colors with emotions, facilitating experimenting and creativity with color, and allowing them the opportunity to fill their space/dress themselves with color.
If you feel that your child is struggling with self-esteem and could use some extra support from a child therapist, call and schedule your free, 15-minute consultation with Amel Counseling & Consulting today!
How Anxiety Can Manifest in Different Age Groups
Parents sometimes come to a therapist at a loss for what’s going on with their kid. As it turns out, they just didn’t recognize the symptoms of anxiety in their kids or teens, because it manifests in different ways at different age groups.
Common ways that anxiety may manifest in school-aged kids can look different than preteen years, which can look different in teen years.
Overall, the symptoms of anxiety can look very different in children and adolescents than it looks in adults, which is why it can sometimes be confusing to parents.
Let’s take a look at some of the more common manifestations of anxiety in the different age groups and developmental stages.
School-aged kids:
A lot of the symptoms of anxiety for younger children can leave parents somewhat confused or at a loss. If your child has a few of these symptoms, it could be the way their anxiety manifests.
Going to the bathroom often or having accidents
Change in appetite (either eating more or less)
Difficulties focusing in school
Fidgeting
Not sleeping enough, co-sleeping, complaining of nightmares
Irritability, especially when there is a disruption in the routine
Outbursts, meltdowns, difficulty regulating emotions
Somatic (physical) symptoms, like stomach aches or headaches
Constantly worrying about unusual things
Being clingy
Pre-teens:
As kids get older and are in that “tween” developmental phase, their symptoms become more related to their outside world. If your child is experiencing some of these symptoms, it could be symptoms of anxiety.
Becoming suddenly socially withdrawn
People-pleasing, afraid to say no
Avoidance of certain situations
Difficulties concentrating
Recurring fears or worries
Needing a lot of reassurance
Becoming more self-conscious or insecure
Sensitive to criticism
Drop in grades
Finding new situations difficult
Teens:
As your child gets into their teen years, the symptoms begin to resemble what adults may more easily recognize as anxiety, or may consider to be the “traditional” symptoms of anxiety. However, the one area that is typically confusing for parents are the behavioral manifestations, such as moodiness or getting in trouble in school.
Feeling on edge
Restlessness
Having an attitude or being moodier than usual
Becoming emotional more easily
Spending more time alone
Excessively tired due to difficulties falling asleep, staying asleep, and feeling rested
Feeling overwhelmed more easily
Rapid heart rate
Feeling like they are disconnected or numb; dissociating
Body aches, stomach pains, headaches/migraines
Losing interest in extracurriculars or hobbies
Poor school performance or getting in trouble in school
If your child, pre-teen, or teen appears to be struggling with symptoms of anxiety, it can be super helpful to get in touch with a mental health professional and provide them with the additional support they need.
You can schedule a free, 15-minute phone consultation to meet with one of our therapists at Amel Counseling and Consulting!
A Therapist Offers 5 Tips on Managing News Related Anxiety
Sometimes it seems like there are a lot of bad things all happening in the world at once. It feels like the media is consistently discussing bad news, and it never ends.
Watching the news or reading about it on social media can be particularly stressful, and it can be really difficult to cope with. It may feel like you think about it all day and can’t stop.
This is sometimes referred to in the psychology world as headline stress disorder, and it is certainly a very real thing.
It can also be a difficult thing to balance; you don’t want to feel overly-stressed about the amount of bad news reported in the media, but you also want to stay informed about the world around you.
One of the best things that you can do if you are struggling with news related anxiety is to accept what is out of our control and remind yourself to focus on what is in front of you: your life, your family, your work, etc.
Here are some additional tips on coping with stress from the news:
Validate yourself.
Remind yourself that it’s completely normal and natural to feel how you are feeling with all of the uncertainty, violence, and economic struggles going on right now.
Accept yourself and the emotions you are feeling.
Then, remind yourself that it won’t last forever.
Decide what is helpful or what is unhelpful.
Although you want to remain informed, ask yourself if the information you are taking in is helpful to you.
If you are consuming a lot of news that isn’t educating you or providing anything new, then this may be considered unhelpful.
Consider muting some sources.
If someone that you follow on social media, or a particular news channel, is reporting a lot of triggering video or images without warnings, it may be anxiety inducing to you.
If someone is constantly posting about a specific topic, it may just be too much for you and that is fine!
Sticking to sources that are mainly factual rather than muddled with opinion may be your best bet.
Be selective.
Not all sources are considered valid or can be trusted.
Even some news channels can be biased or be mainly propaganda and should be avoided if your news-related anxiety feels out of control.
Limit yourself.
Set some boundaries about how often or when you watch the news.
It may not be the best idea to check it first thing in the morning, last thing before bed, or before certain important events where you may become distracted.
Consider checking or watching less than you do; everybody is different, but some people prefer to check it once a day.
Many media outlets specifically target Gen Z and Millennials, so your kid or teen may be struggling with this as well. If you feel like your kid may be obsessing over the news and you feel it may be contributing to anxiety or stress in a way that is getting in the way of your everyday life, it may be the right time to reach out for some professional support with a therapist. There are therapists who work specifically with kids and teens who struggle with anxiety at Amel Counseling. Schedule your free, 15-minute consultation today.
How Online Therapy for Anxiety Can Help You Overcome Social Anxiety
Social anxiety (or social phobia) is the persistent fear and stress of social situations and environments due to concerns about others’ perceptions of you, worries of being judged, or feelings of inadequacy / inferiority.
Social anxiety can stem from trauma, stressful experiences, abuse, and there is also a biological component as well.
Social anxiety most commonly begins in child or teenage years. For some people it is possible for it to lessen or disappear altogether on its own, like some of the other forms of anxiety, but for others it persists and worsens if left untreated.
One of the most effective treatments is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). When therapists use CBT to treat anxiety, what they are really doing is teaching a person to recognize their own thinking patterns, be able to see the difference between helpful thoughts vs unhelpful thoughts, and noticing the connection between thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. In this way, a person would be able to learn how to reframe a thought in order to begin to feel better, and then choose a different path for a new outcome. CBT also promotes autonomy and independence of the client, encouraging them to have control and feel good about their treatment. This is an important aspect of treatment for anxiety because, typically individuals who struggle with anxiety feel immense stress from lack of control and emotion management.
Studies show that CBT as a therapeutic intervention works well for both virtual therapy and in-person therapy, and that they are equally effective.
However, you may be wondering, if a person is struggling with social anxiety, wouldn’t it be better for them to have therapy in-person?
Someone struggling with social anxiety may feel too far outside of their comfort zone discussing their personal feelings and thoughts with someone who is essentially a stranger at first, regardless of them being their therapist.
The reason that CBT is so effective is because it incorporates practicing, role playing, and the client doing their own work outside of the sessions while also encouraging them to really think about their thinking. It educates the client about their distorted way of thinking while also helping them come up with their own solutions, and encourages them to try mindfulness techniques as coping skills. Basically, the real work of CBT does not exactly require a client to be there physically, and it could be even more effective if they are able to attend sessions from the comfort of their own home.
A person who struggles with social anxiety who is more introverted, slow to warm up, and has a hard time feeling comfortable may be more open to the idea of attending sessions online and may feel better about having discussions in an environment that is safe and secure to them. They also may be more likely to attend more sessions when they are at their own convenience, particularly if they are avoidant of things that are anxiety inducing. Because of all this, there is definitely something to be said for online therapy for individuals who struggle with social anxiety.
If your child or teen is struggling with social anxiety and you would like to have them meet with a child or adolescent therapist who specializes in anxiety disorders, give us a call for a free, 15-minute phone consultation today!
A Philadelphia, PA Therapist Shares 5 Self-esteem Building Activities for Kids
Over the past few years, therapists have seen an increase of children coming to therapy struggling with self-confidence. Whether this is a result of social media use, covid, or a combination of both, it is certainly a prevalent issue with children.
Self-esteem building is important because it can help your child feel better about themselves, which is necessary when they are struggling with other challenges that may come their way. It’s also important for a child to have confidence because it can encourage them to ask for help when they may need it, instead of giving up. They may also be able to form healthier relationships if they have a strong sense of self-worth and personal value.
Kids who struggle with self-esteem tend to feel more anxious, frustrated, and irritable when they make mistakes or struggle with something, rather than viewing mistakes as a lesson to learn from.
So, with all of this in mind, you may be wondering… how do I help my kid build their self-esteem up and instill these values? Or, how do I help my kid who is already struggling with low self-esteem and looks down on themselves?
Here are some tips that you could practice everyday in order to instill high personal worth or raise their self-esteem if it’s low.
Recognize effort. Praise the fact that they tried, regardless of if they succeeded. If your child genuinely tried hard at something but did not achieve it, it is really important to explain to them that you are proud of the effort you saw. Kids with low self-esteem may jump right to “I’m dumb,” or “I suck at this” when they fail. Be sure to show them that you do not feel that way, and the effort is worth more than the outcome.
Give unconditional love. Your kid may need to know that, even when they do disappoint you or do something wrong, you still love them. Kids with a poor self-image may feel that they are bad when, in reality, they made a bad decision. It is beneficial for you as their parent to help them distinguish between the two ideas.
Avoid comparison with other children. Kids can be really sensitive when they hear their parents compare them to others. Children who struggle with confidence are likely comparing themselves to others already. If they hear or see you comparing them to another child who is maybe better at something than them (or maybe just more of a natural), it can reinforce this idea that they already have in their head. You want to try to reverse the habit of them comparing themselves. Comparison is the thief of joy, as they say.
Encourage independence and autonomy. You can do this by just asking your kid’s input on decisions. It’s not as deep as it sounds–it could be as simple as “Do you want me to make us chicken or steak for dinner?'' This helps your child see that his opinion counts.
Aside from parenting from a different perspective, here are 5 activities you could try in addition in order to encourage your child to have a positive attitude toward themselves.
Self-esteem journal- Journaling is a good way to get kids to consider their own thoughts and feelings. Positive psychology journals can help guide kids to focus on the good in their lives. A self-esteem journal would have prompts such as: “I was proud of myself today when…” “the highlight of my day was…” and “I am unique because…” along with focusing on goals and successes.
Encourage artistic expression and creativity- Kids love to be creative. However, sometimes kids with low self-esteem who aren’t especially talented in art class may tend to compare themselves to other kids in school, or feel down on themselves if they aren’t as good at a particular medium. Encouraging artistic expression in any form in the home, where they feel safe, and free of judgment (like getting graded) is a great way to promote high self-esteem. Artistic expression can look like anything: painting, decorating, dancing, singing, creating art with nature, doing hair/makeup, knitting, and all of the different hobbies they could truly enjoy if they were to explore them.
Positive affirmations- The way you talk to yourself matters. When we think back to the “I’m so dumb” statement from earlier in the post, it’s obvious that a remark like that would not be helpful if they believe it. However, it’s also not fair to expect your kid to say “I’m so smart!” when they don’t do well on a test. Try to help them reframe the thought and change the statement instead. It could be something like “I didn’t do great on this test, but I’ll try to do better because I am hardworking.” Then, we focus on positive affirmations. You could even make it a challenge for everyone in the family to come up with their own positive affirmations, write them down, decorate the page, and share with the rest of the family. It’s a good way to turn around a bad day, or a day where your kid is putting out a lot of negative self-talk.
Daily chores or small (attainable) tasks- Placing trust in your kid to handle their chores is a great way to help them feel better about themselves. Depending on their age, it would need to be something they can access. If you create a laminated chore chart with their tasks and let them check it off daily, or put stickers on it when they’re completed, it can help them feel a sense of purpose and feel accomplished.
Exercise / practice yoga- Exercise is important for kids to feel good about themselves. It releases chemicals into the brain that make people feel accomplished and healthy. Also, one of the best ways to move your body is yoga. Yoga is not just for adults but for kids as well. And many kids love to practice it, especially with their parents. Mindfulness and yoga are a great way to promote good self-esteem and can also improve other things such as memory and confidence/body appreciation.
If your child is struggling with low self-esteem and you feel it may be affecting his or her day-to-day life, it may be a good time to bring them to a therapist and see if they need extra support. Schedule a free, 15-minute phone consultation today with Amel Counseling.
A Therapist Shares 7 Possibilities that May be the Cause of Your Child’s Behavioral Issues
Sometimes kids start acting out by having temper tantrums/meltdowns, being defiant, or having explosive reactions. If this is happening in your household out of nowhere and more than just occasionally, you are probably starting to become concerned, confused, and frustrated. It’s not an easy thing to manage as parents, and you may feel like you need to walk on eggshells.
A good first step is trying to find a possible trigger for the behavior, and the reasoning behind it may not be obvious.
Young children have a difficult time managing their emotions because they have not yet acquired the necessary skills to do so, and also their brains are still developing. On top of that, they do not have the extensive emotional vocabulary that adults do, so they struggle to communicate their emotions as well, creating more frustration.
Because of all this, kids have a hard time expressing themselves, calming themselves down, and regulating themselves. What you see is a child having a disproportionate reaction or meltdown out of nowhere, but what is really happening is more than meets the eye.
Here is a list of possible causes of behavioral issues in children with a short explanation as to why it may happen.
Trauma:
if your child has a history of trauma or has experienced a traumatic event, they may have a difficult time managing their big emotions.
this could be for a variety of reasons, but a common reason is that perhaps the traumatic experience has interrupted their emotional development in whatever developmental stage it occurred.
because of this, they may have a harder time calming themselves down.
Anxiety:
some people make the assumption that anxious kids are overly cautious and shy. However, when a kid is in a situation that makes them feel anxious, it is very common for them to act out and have a meltdown.
when a child is lashing out, it could be for a variety of reasons, one of them being they are trying to avoid or escape the anxiety-triggering situation. It’s important to remember that “fight, flight, and freeze” are the three reaction styles to anxiety, and some kids can become irritable or even destructive as a response to their feelings of anxiety.
another reason is that kids who struggle with anxiety tend to be hard on themselves and a little more self-critical. This can result in an explosive reaction over seemingly nothing, but at the heart of it, they are feeling extremely frustrated.
Depression:
another reason for behavioral problems in kids (that tends to perplex people) is depression.
kids who struggle with depression can have temper tantrums and be very irritable, because they do not know how to express their feelings and do not understand them.
they tend to view things more negatively, and may get frustrated with themselves as well but not have the right words to explain that to an adult.
ADHD:
Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder can cause outbursts and behavioral problems in kids as well.
kids who have ADHD may ignore instructions or refuse to do things they do not want to do, and trying to get them to follow their daily routines and chores may be an uphill battle.
additionally, kids with ADHD struggle with impulse control, so their reactions to disputes may seem disproportionate (such as hitting, pushing, or throwing things) and cause them to get in trouble in school.
Learning Disorders:
kids with learning disorders also can have behavioral problems, particularly surrounding school, school work, or homework.
this is in part due to the fact that school is a trigger for them because they are frustrated with how hard it is for them. Kids who find learning harder than the other kids in their class may have an undiagnosed learning disorder and feel embarrassed or ashamed that they cannot keep up in school.
because of this, they may find it to be better or easier to get in trouble than be embarrassed and may start an argument with other kids.
alternatively, they may lash out in school or while doing homework because they are feeling immensely frustrated with the fact that they don’t understand the material.
Sensory Processing Disorder:
when kids have a difficult time processing sensory information, this can lead to sensory overload. Sensory overload is when their senses feel overwhelmed and can result in an outburst.
it may seem like it comes out of nowhere, or like it is a disproportionate reaction. For instance, a kid with SPD may throw things if they are somewhere that is getting too loud for them, or scream if their face gets wet.
they may also refuse to wear or touch things that feel uncomfortable to them and, when their parents or teachers test this, they tend to have a temper tantrum.
kids with SPD also tend to be rigid about routines and if their routine is thrown off, this can trigger an outburst as well.
Autism:
a child who is on the spectrum will also be rigid about routines, rules, and rituals and may have outbursts when their routines are interrupted.
this is because these parameters provide them with emotional comfort and cause them to thrive.
however, sometimes life gets in the way and they need to go somewhere new or change their routine that day, which causes them emotional discomfort.
another reason a child who has autism may be more prone to meltdowns is because they may lack the language to express their needs or may be nonverbal.
this is a frustrating situation for them and whoever else is involved because it makes communication more difficult, resulting in the child having a meltdown.
Something that is important to note is that, on top of any of these symptoms and disorders, there are also the possibility of somatic symptoms, or symptoms that a child may feel physically in their body. This creates an added layer of why a child may be reacting emotionally, becoming irritable, or exhibiting behavioral issues–perhaps their mental health is causing them to feel physically ill as well.
Additionally, with each of these symptoms and disorders, a child will need more patience, practice, and prompting when it comes to de-escalation.
If your child has been exhibiting behavioral problems and you think it may be due to any of these causes listed above, and you feel like you could use some support in terms of a child therapist, family therapist, or parent coaching, reach out to Amel Counseling & Consulting today to schedule a free, 15-minute phone consultation.
We have therapists available to help your child learn coping skills, self-regulation, and emotion management.
Is Online Grief Counseling Effective as In-person?
So, you have experienced a loss recently. You are inquiring about therapy in hopes you will start to process your emotions and feel better.
ONE OF THE FORMS OF GRIEF COUNSELING YOU HAVE COME ACROSS IN YOUR SEARCH IS VIRTUAL GRIEF COUNSELING. YOU WONDER IF IT CAN BE AS EFFECTIVE AS THE MORE TRADITIONAL, IN-PERSON THERAPY.
Online counseling, in general, is something that has become more popular these days after covid.
You may be wondering if online counseling can work with something on the scale of grief and death. Issues like these can take a toll on your life.
Not everybody can indeed reap as many benefits from online therapy as in-person. But, this is because everyone is different. So, how can you know if online grief counseling would work for you?
Well, if this is your question, you have come to the right place! I’m here to tell you all the ways that online grief counseling can be effective. By doing so, you can determine if it is right for you.
From the comfort of your own home
It may be your first experience with grief counseling, and you have a feeling you’ll be slower to warm up about it. It helps that you can attend online grief counseling from your own house. You can be in your own space, and feel as comfortable as possible.
Being able to connect with a therapist from home allows for a lot of time flexibility. Thus, allowing you to meet with them at your convenience.
The last thing you may feel like doing is traveling far to someone whose office is far, sitting in traffic, and rushing around to be on time for your appointments. Especially when you are also struggling with your mental health and adapting to a loss. Online counseling allows you to meet with an online therapist who may be farther away, without the need to travel.
You may not want to worry others who are grieving
This loss may affect other people in your life: friends, family, your kids. You may not want them to feel like they need to take care of you while they are also trying to grieve.
Being able to meet with an online therapist online allows for you to be a bit more discreet. Doing so may help avoid causing other people to have any concerns about your well-being. This also allows for you to open up and tell them you are in therapy on your own terms.
It is easier to find a good-fit therapist when you don’t have to attend in-person sessions
It’s vital to find a therapist who will help you work through your grief and help you find solutions to manage your emotions. Sometimes, this takes more than one try. If you are searching in person, this could take a little longer.
You will still have complete confidentiality and a judgment-free place. Here, you can discuss all your feelings such as stress, guilt, depression. But, you can also take the time to “shop around” to find a virtual therapist that is warm and comforting.
Seeing a counselor for grief, in general, is a difficult step in the grieving process.
You will still have complete confidentiality and a judgment-free place. Here, you can discuss all your feelings such as stress, guilt, depression. But, you can also take the time to “shop around” to find an online therapist that is warm and comforting.
Do any of these points sound like they are relevant to you? If not, don’t hesitate to reach out to an online therapist in Philadelphia, PA today. Feel free to set up a free, 15-minute consultation.
Begin Online Grief Counseling in Pennsylvania
It takes time to find the right support in overcoming your grief. Our team of caring therapists would be happy to support you from our Philadelphia, PA-based practice. We can help you better understand which form of treatment is best for you. To start your therapy journey, please follow these simple steps:
Meet with a caring therapist
Start coping with grief in person or from the comfort of home
Other Services Offered with Amel Therapy
Grief counseling isn't the only service offered at our Philadelphia, PA-based practice. Our team of caring therapists offers a variety of support for children, teens and kids of color, parents, and other forms of parent support. Mental health services offered include therapy for trauma, grief, and play therapy. We also offer support groups via worry warriors, culturally confident teen group, and teen girls group. Feel free to learn more about visiting our blog or team page today!
7 Commonly Overlooked Signs of Anxiety in Teens
Oftentimes, kids and teens come to therapy with certain behavioral symptoms that parents have tried time and time again to correct with no success.
The parents will feel discouraged, out of ideas, and confused. One of the first things a good therapist will do is assess for symptoms of anxiety. Why? Because anxiety in teens gets misconstrued and misunderstood all the time.
Anxiety in teens does not present in the same way externally as it does in adults.
In fact, their symptoms of anxiety don’t even present externally the way they feel internally. This has to do with a lot of different things:
The stage of brain development they are in
Their hormones
How their peers respond to them
Etc.
In sum, your teen may be struggling with anxiety and it could not seem like it at all.
One of the biggest struggles with anxiety is feeling a lack of control over areas where the person feels like they need control. This is why some of these symptoms arise, even though they may not seem connected.
So, what are some of these commonly overlooked signs that your teen may be struggling with anxiety?
Physical symptoms
Otherwise known as somatic symptoms. Sometimes, teens’ symptoms of anxiety can manifest as aches or pains in their bodies. Or just overall physical changes. This includes:
Headaches or migraines
Stomach aches
Frequently using the bathroom
Complaining of aches with no obvious medical cause
Excessively tired
Weight changes
Changes in eating habits
Grades dropping
Another symptom of anxiety that often gets misread by parents is when a teen’s grades are dropping. Sometimes this can be seen as “slacking off” or “being lazy.” But, their anxiety may be affecting them in a negative way every day. If this spreads to interrupting their sleep, it may lead to lower school performance. This may include:
Falling behind on deadlines
Missing assignments
Feeling overwhelmed about school and/or homework
Difficulties concentrating on school and/or homework
Procrastinating on homework or projects
Emotional changes
Many emotional changes that teens will go through when they struggle with anxiety often get mistaken for having an attitude. Or, going through a phase. In reality, a lot of these changes are reactions to having an excessive amount of worries and anxiety. These changes could be:
Being on edge
Restless/ jittery
Being irritable
Unexplained crying
Changes in the way they socialize
One of the biggest tell-tale signs that a teen is struggling with anxiety is if they go from being more sociable to being withdrawn. This often gets misunderstood and parents may read this sign as one for depression. This could look like this:
Isolating from friends or friend group
Avoiding interactions with friends
Dropping out of extracurriculars such as sports and clubs (or wanting to drop out)
Spending more time alone
Change in sleep pattern
An anxious mind has a very difficult time shutting off. Your teen may be thinking about all the tests, projects, and other worries when it is time for them to be getting sleep. But, anxiety is also worsened by poor sleep, thus creating a vicious cycle. Here are some things you may be noticing in your teen’s sleep patterns if they are struggling with anxiety:
Difficulties falling asleep (like running downstairs for a midnight snack)
Not feeling well-rested in the mornings
Difficulties staying asleep
Not looking refreshed
Frequent nightmares
Behavioral changes
This is a big one that clinicians see in sessions a lot. Families may come in because they are having a hard time managing the behaviors of their teens. Many times, this is an overlooked symptom of anxiety that can cause stress on the family and strain on the relationships. Especially when the other family members do not recognize where the changes are coming from. These changes might look like:
Unexpected outbursts or meltdowns
Giving attitude or talking back
Acting out
Getting in trouble
Panic attacks
Not everybody who struggles with anxiety has panic attacks, but some do. This symptom can be easily mistaken for something physical because it can be so intense. Here are the signs to look out for:
Intense heart rate
Trouble breathing
Sweating
Shaking
Nausea
Stomach pain
Shivering
Feeling like they are going crazy
Derealization
Numbness
Chest pain
Anxiety in teens is something a mental health clinician will assess for. Especially when they are presenting with any of these symptoms. You may feel confused about some of your teen’s recent behaviors or feel worried that they may be struggling with anxiety. If so, don’t hesitate to reach out and schedule a free, 15-minute phone consultation with Amel Counseling today!
Begin Counseling for Teens in Philadelphia, PA
You and your teen deserve support in overcoming your anxiety symptoms. Our team understands that this is much easier said than done. So, we would like to offer support from our Philadelphia, PA-based therapy practice. To start your therapy journey, please follow these simple steps:
Meet with a caring therapist
Start coping with grief and start living a full life!
Other Services Offered with Amel Therapy
Counseling for teens isn't the only service offered by our team of therapists. Our Philadelphia, PA-based practice offers a variety of services both in-person and online. Mental health services offered include therapy for trauma, grief, and play therapy. We offer support for children, teens and kids of color, and parents. We also offer support groups including worry warriors, culturally confident teen group, and teen girls group. You can also learn more by visiting our blog or by learning more about our team today!
How Grief Can Manifest in Different Age Groups
When a family is grieving, sometimes parents have a very hard time finding the right way to help their kids.
Grief ebbs and flows; some days are better than others. Some days feel like a ton of progress gets made and other days it feels like the day the loss occurred.
There is no one way to help a child or teen who has experienced loss. Trying to find the right things to do can leave parents feeling powerless, helpless, and hopeless.
It is true that everybody is different and grieves in different ways. But, there are some similarities between how children and adolescents manifest grief.
Learning about the different manifestations of grief in different developmental ages can be really helpful to parents. It can provide a bit of insight into what their child may need, apart from what a therapist can provide.
Toddlers:
Children ages 3-5 are in a more child-centered stage of development. As a result, they can tend to be a bit selfish, which is appropriate. After the death of a loved one, they may deal with some more self-focused reactions, emotions, and rationalizations about the death. This is because they were forced to face emotions they are not equipped to at this stage of their life on a developmental level.
These emotions, rationalizations, and reactions may include:
Believing they are at fault for the death
Difficulties participating in age-appropriate activities, such as school, sports, or playtime with peers
Interruptions in their developmental stages or milestones. This may include something like potty training and independent sleeping. But, some backtracking is also possible.
Feelings of insecurity
Difficulties doing things alone
Sadness, anxiety, guilt, and anger
School-Aged Kids:
Children ages 6-11 are advancing in their basic skills. They are beginning to attach cultural value and meaning to them as well. Depending on what the cause of death was, they may have more extreme rationalizations for the death. This may also be affected if a crisis occurred that they experienced. Like toddlers, a school-aged child’s reaction after a loss is due to being forced to confront a situation that they are not prepared for. They may also have their own beliefs or rules about how this all works.
To be more specific, this may look like this:
Having a hard time leaving home, worried they could lose another loved one if they do
Needing more reassurance of their loved one’s safety
Possibly believing that certain actions of theirs can bring their loved one back
Avoiding any activities (or traditions) that may remind them of the loss or bereaved
Interruptions in their developmental stages or milestones. This may include socializing with peers. Or, pondering their identity, and understanding their role in their life. Some kids may become parentified.
Difficulties in school, sports, and joining clubs
Preoccupied with fears or phobias
Sadness, anger, anxiety, and guilt
Adolescents:
Teens ages 12 to 19 may look at the loss in a completely different way than a child would. Often, teens have ups and downs with their loved ones due to their developmental stages of life. Because of this, a lot of teens can have regrets if they lose a loved one and feel like they had a lot of arguments with them. Much like children, a teen’s reaction after a loss is due to having to confront a situation they are not equipped with on a developmental level.
The ways this may present in a teenager would be:
Self-esteem and identity issues
Becoming preoccupied with the death
Guilt about what they should have done in a different way
Becoming withdrawn on a social level, afraid of further loss
Acting out in school or at home
Guarded body language or attitude
Poor school performance
Grief exists in many forms
These are a few examples of more typical reactions of kids and teens to a loss that occurred in their age groups. Every child is different. So, it is possible that your child or adolescent has had a different emotional response. Or, it may present with a behavioral symptom that is not listed. There are many factors that may cause this to vary. This may include co-occurring diagnoses. Or, the cause of death of the bereaved, and the relationships/support systems your child has.
With that said, your kid or teen may be portraying behaviors and emotions that you feel like you need help with. If so, Amel has grief therapists that can help your child process their grief. Schedule a free, 15-minute consultation today!
Begin Grief Counseling in Philadelphia, PA
Grief may look different based on the person experiencing it. But, we can offer support, regardless of your symptoms. Our caring therapists can offer high-quality counseling services from our Philadelphia, PA-based practice. To start your counseling journey, please follow these simple steps:
Meet with a caring therapist
Start coping with grief and start living a full life!
Other Services Offered with Amel Therapy
Grief counseling isn't the only service our team of therapists offers. We are happy to offer a variety of services from our Philadelphia, PA-based practice. We offer online therapy services across the state. Our team supports children, teens, teens and kids of color, and parents. We also offer other types of other parent support. In addition, we also offer trauma therapy, play therapy, and support groups as well. These include the worry warriors, culturally confident teen group, and teen girls group. Learn more by visiting our blog or by learning more about our team today!
The Importance of Finding the Right Therapist
So, you have decided that your kid, teen, and/or family need a therapist in Philadelphia, PA, but you don’t know where to start with finding one.
Your doctor and people you know have given you a few recommendations. So, you have decided to start shopping around. That may be exactly how you found this blog post!
You may decide to look for the best therapist in the field for your specific situation. But, finding a therapist is a little bit different than credentials or “what’s on paper.” So, you may have a number of questions regarding the therapy process.
Sure, finding a therapist in Philadelphia, PA that specializes in the area that you need help with is important. For example, you may be looking for a therapist for your child. It may be more beneficial to set something up with a child therapist rather than a generalist. A practice with specialists working with kids, teens, and parents is a good starting place. Then, finding a therapist with experience with any disorders, diagnoses, and areas of struggle that your kid may be experiencing would be the next step.
This is a good starting point for a consultation and intake session. But, a therapist specializing in something relevant to your case is not the most vital thing. In the end, finding the right therapist in Philadelphia, PA is about your child/family feeling safe. The truth of the matter is that you could find a therapist that is at the top of their specialty. But, they may still not be right for you.
Being comfortable with a therapist is feeling safe around them. This means feeling like you can open up to them about situations where you may ordinarily feel shame. Plus, connecting with them personally, and liking their approach to therapy.
Discussing personal and vulnerable situations is very difficult. But, it is super important for your child, teen, and/or family to be able to do this with a therapist. By doing so, you can work to experience growth and healing. It is also possible that these feelings provoke shame because of past judgment. To be able to open up about them with a therapist, you need to be able to feel like they will not judge you.
Another important aspect of finding the right therapist in Philadelphia is being able to trust them. Some people find that learning about their therapist’s approach is the best way to build trust. This may involve understanding how the therapist views the areas in their life the client wishes to improve in. Or, understanding how empowered they feel throughout their treatment process. This is something that happens over time and sometimes requires patience.
You, as a client, will be more inclined to follow your therapist’s lead when you can trust them. When this occurs, you can be honest, and know they actually care. Again, feeling reassured in these areas definitely can take some time. But, it’s something important to look for while finding the right counselor for your child, teen, or family.
Having hard discussions about feelings or areas that need improvement can be very uncomfortable.
This is especially true when a family's conditioned to hold them in or had their feelings rejected in the past. Because these discussions are so hard, it is normal to feel a level of discomfort in doing so. Growth can often be accompanied by discomfort. An example of when this is often felt is within family therapy sessions. During these sessions, there may be disagreements or tearful moments. This is not the same as feeling uncomfortable with your counselor. Though, that is important to note.
There will be times in a therapy journey when you, your child, or your family may feel upset.
It likely won’t always be pleasant 100% of the time. These moments of unpleasant feelings are helpful for the therapy process. They can often uncover more areas that need work for the therapist.
A therapist in Philadelphia that is a good fit won’t take it on a personal level if you have unpleasant feelings. But, they will also use it as a chance to gain more insight into the root of the issue. In short, these are meant to act as teaching moments.
A counselor that is a good fit would also very likely switch up their techniques, theories, and therapy style. Especially when they can tell that something is not working well for the situation at hand.
Therapy is really more of an art than an exact science at times.
There are a lot of intervention styles and techniques to pull from when working with kids, teens, and parents. It is important to try to find a counselor that will individualize treatment based upon what you bring to your sessions.
Therapy can be very effective and beneficial. But, it needs the combination of the right therapist and the willingness of the client to be an active participant in treatment.
You may have decided you want to start therapy for your child or family. If so, you can schedule a free, 15-minute consultation call with one of our child or teen therapists today. Start the process of finding a mental health professional that is a good fit for you!
Begin Working With a Therapist in Philadelphia, PA
You deserve support in overcoming the concerns affecting you most. Our Philadelphia, PA practice has caring therapists happy to offer that support. You can start better caring for your mental health today. To start your therapy journey, please follow these simple steps:
Meet with a caring therapist
Start coping with grief and start living a full life!
Other Services Offered with Amel Therapy
Our team is happy to offer a variety of services from our Philadelphia, PA-based practice. We offer online therapy across the state and are happy to serve children, teens, kids and teens of color, parent coaching, and other parent support. We also offer grief therapy, trauma therapy, play therapy, and support groups as well. These include the worry warriors, culturally confident teen group, and teen girls group. Learn more by visiting our blog or by learning more about our team today!
Depression in Kids
Symptoms of depression sometimes can get mistaken for behavioral issues. The symptoms look so different in childhood than it does in adulthood. So, it can be super helpful for parents to learn more about this subject.
Depression in kids tends to go unnoticed or undiagnosed. Teachers, parents, and caregivers will notice a child acting in a different way and may assume this is the result of hormonal changes. Or, an external factor like school or peers.
But, if you have noticed a change in your child, it may be helpful to assess the changes. Doing so can help you ensure they are not symptoms of depression that resemble something else.
Here is a list of the symptoms to look for regarding depression in kids:
Change in mood
Being socially withdrawn
Extreme anger to small situations
Being irritable or cranky
Less patience than usual
Sensitive to rejection
Outbursts or meltdowns
Increase or decrease in appetite
Crying more
Physical discomfort more often (stomach ache, headache)
Trouble focusing
Fatigue or low motivation
Loss of interest in activities they usually enjoy
Feelings of worthlessness or hopelessness
Thoughts of suicide
Change in appearance
Decrease in personal hygienic practices
Depression in childhood can be mistaken for behavioral issues. So, it is important to take note of which specific symptoms can confuse adults in this way. Especially if they take place in a school setting.
The changes that take place in a child’s mood when they are experiencing depression can lead some adults to label this child as “a disruption” or “a problem child.” This may include irritability, temper tantrums, or extreme anger. But, these are some of the more common signs that your child may feel depressed.
Why might your child be depressed?
You may have a family history of depression, knowingly or unknowingly
The child may have been the victim of bullying
They may have experienced a traumatic incident. Whether it be major trauma or minor trauma
They may have experienced the loss of a loved one
The child may be lacking stability in their life, such as a change in school or a recent move
They may be experiencing a physical health problem
It is important to note that depression is a lot more than the normal blues or emotional changes that children go through. Children can certainly develop symptoms of depression due to a saddening experience. But, the depression itself is a lot more than feeling upset.
Where do we go from here?
Do you feel that your child is experiencing some of the symptoms listed above? If so, here are some suggestions for you!
Talk to their pediatrician. The more professionals involved, the better!
Schedule an appointment with a child depression therapist. Early intervention is the best kind of intervention!
Create an open dialog with your child about mental health. Explain to them that they are allowed to tell you how they are feeling and won’t get in trouble.
Your child could receive a prescription to help get them to a more stable place. If your child is prescribed medicine, it's recommended and important to make sure they are seeing a mental health professional while taking the meds.
Tell their teachers, guidance counselors, and coaches what the situation is. If your kid does not want you to go into full detail, that’s fine! But telling them some parts of it would be important. The bigger the support system, the better it is for your child.
If you feel like your child is struggling with symptoms of depression, don’t hesitate to have them assessed. Schedule a free, 15-minute consultation call today with one of our child therapists. Help your child can get the proper care they need!
Begin Working with a Child Depression Therapist in Philadelphia, PA
Your child deserves support in coping and overcoming their depression symptoms. Our team of caring therapists can offer high-quality support from our Philadelphia, PA-based practice. To start your counseling journey, please follow these simple steps:
Meet with a caring depression therapist
Start addressing depressive symptoms!
Other Services Offered with Amel Therapy
Child therapy isn’t the only service offered from our Philadelphia, PA-based counseling practice. We also offer a variety of services via online therapy, and in-person for teens, teens, kids of color, and parents. We also offer other types of parent support. In addition, we also offer trauma therapy, play therapy, and support groups as well. These include the worry warriors, culturally confident teen group, and teen girls group. Learn more by visiting our blog or by learning more about our team today!
Boosting Moods by Creating Joy Zones at Home
It’s safe to say that life since the beginning of 2020 has not been the easiest, most normal time for anyone.
Families have been struggling to find a “new normal” routine. Plus, kids have not experienced stability in a while. Kids are back and forth between going virtual and being in person for the school. At the same time, parents are off-and-on working from home, and everybody wonders when this is going to end.
For some families, it can be very hard to experience quarantine together.
Managing virtual school and work is A LOT. Lacking structure and stability during vital developmental years can bring about unwanted feelings. Depression and anxiety are among the two most common.
So, as a parent, what is something that you can install in your home? How can you fight these negative feelings your kids seem to be dealing with while your family is stuck inside? One of the things that our clinicians have been recommending is “Joy Zones.”
What is a Joy Zone you ask?
It’s a small area in your home that your kid(s) can retreat to where some of their favorite things are. Here, they can experience happiness when they are feeling like they need it most. Some parents of more than one kid will allot an area in a common space that has different things they enjoy. And other parents will set it up in their kids’ rooms if their kids enjoy different things.
It’s also a good tip that the actual building of the Joy Zone occurs together as a family activity. This can promote autonomy for your kid(s) because they get to choose how it looks and what to bring into it. It also can be a lot of fun to do together if you are running out of ideas for how to entertain your family!
What are some suggestions of items/activities that can be put in this Joy Zone?
It really all depends on what your kid likes, but one thing could be art supplies such as:
Paint
Canvas
Stencils
Mandalas to color
Clay
And other relaxing and therapeutic art mediums
Art can help bring up kids' moods. It can relax them if they are feeling like their emotions are getting out of hand. Or, promote confidence if they are lacking, and also be an engaging sensory experience.
Another item or activity that could go in a joy zone would be some of the more engaging technological devices your family may have. This may be a Nintendo Switch or a VR game. Again, this depends on your kid, their interests, and what your family has in stock. The main focus is to help improve their mood. Especially if they are struggling with feelings of sadness, boredom, or depression.
Tailoring Your Child’s Joy Zone
Another idea for a Joy Zone would be the comfiest chair or seating arrangement you can come up with. Some kids create it themselves and make it fort-like. But, other families will move the bean bag chair into the Joy Zone. If your child loves to be comfortable and cozy, then this could make it very soothing for them. Especially if they are feeling anxious.
Another idea for something to put in the Joy Zone could be something that plays music. Particularly their favorite songs or relaxing sounds. Some kids prefer a noise machine, others want to listen to their favorite artist. Either way, sounds, and music are a good way to promote mindfulness for anyone struggling with emotion regulation.
If your child is into reading, it would be a great opportunity to stack their books on a shelf for them in their Joy Zone.
Some kids might also prefer darkness when they are trying to relax.
Especially kids who struggle with sensory overload. If this is the case for your kid, it would be a good idea to put the Joy Zone in a room that can be made dark. You may also suggest hanging string lights or a funky night light for a little lighting in the Joy Zone area.
Another Joy Zone suggestion may be journals if your child likes to write their feelings out. This can be super cathartic. Plus, a lot of kids love to journal about their day, their emotions, or write in a creative way.
One last recommendation for the Joy Zone is stuffed animals, toys, dolls, etc.
Many kids work out their feelings by engaging in imaginative play or by hugging their favorite stuffy. Some kids also love fidgets, blocks, or pop-its. These types of toys can be good for kids who struggle with anxiety or have a hard time focusing.
Implementing Joy Zones into your home would be one way to introduce many calming strategies to your kids. It also teaches your child that sometimes they may need to step away from a situation and go somewhere to “cool off.” Additionally, it is a lesson to your kid about finding new ways to help themselves feel better. Your kid will get to explore their creative interests and things they enjoy doing. All without judgment or need for perfection, while also learning about themselves. Last, it shows them that their unpleasant, negative feelings may be temporary. Especially when you add something calming/positive to the equation. In these cases, it may result in a new outcome of pleasant feelings.
As clinicians, we know that some of the situations kids are struggling with do not have “easy fixes." In fact, a Joy Zone may not enough.
If your child has been having a hard time lately and you believe you need more support, do not hesitate to reach out today. Schedule a free, 15-minute phone consultation. During this time, you can inquire about a child therapist for your kid.
Talk with a Child Therapist in Philadelphia, PA
It’s normal for your child to struggle, especially during a pandemic. Our team of caring child therapists would be happy to offer you support from our Philadelphia, PA-based therapy practice. We have the training, experience, and insight to help you. To start your therapy journey, please follow these steps:
Meet with a caring therapist
Start thriving with the support of a child therapist
Other Service Offered with Amel Counseling
Child therapy isn’t the only service offered at our Philadelphia, PA-based therapy practice. We also offer online therapy, play therapy, counseling for teens, and grief and loss therapy. Our team also offers support for therapy for teens and kids of color, and support for parents. You can also learn more about parent coaching and our group offerings. This includes the worry warriors, culturally confident teen group, and our teen girls group.